PM-icon-101 This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Auto Erotic Assimilation." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.
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This article is a transcript of the Season 2 episode Auto Erotic Assimilation.


Open Ext. Rick's Ship in flying through a planet's rings

(Morty is in the backseat, Summer is in the starboard seat, Rick is driving)

All: (singing) Love. Connection. Experience.

(Morty claps)

Rick: Yeah Morty

All: (singing) Come together. With love. connection, experience! [laughter]

Rick: It's my favourite song

Morty: Hahahahaha, yeah

(distress beacon alert chimes)

Rick: Oh yeah, distress beacon! [belches] Yeah baby!

Morty: You're excited about that?

Rick: The first rule of space travel kids, is always check out distress beacons; nine out of ten times its a ship full of dead aliens and a bunch of free shit!

[Rick makes a sharp turn]

Morty and Summer: Whoa!

Rick: One out of ten times its a deadly trap, but I'm ready to roll those dice!

[Trans. flying toward S.S. Independence]

[Trans. Rick, Morty, and Summer entering corridor]

Summer: Seems like something terrible happened here.

Rick: Yeah. Cha-ching. Oh yeah, if you find a room full of eggs, don't shy away from it, give one of them a shake. Those facehuggers are worth more than this ship.

(Rick is spray-painting a symbol on a closed door)

Morty: Uh, what's that?

Rick: This will make the cops write it up as a looting by the Korblocks.

Summer: That's horrible!

Rick: I hear you man, cops are racist.

(A door behind them opens with six crewmembers)

Rick: Oh, hey! You're alive! Thank God.

Female alien: Can you help us? Our planet was taken over by some kind of [pauses] entity! It absorbed the minds of our people!

Male alien 1: We didn't notice until it was too late. The people it takes over, they look like your friends, your family, your leaders, but they're not, themselves any more; They're part of It.

Rick: And how do you know it didn't get on the ship with you? Those two ding-dongs seem pretty calm about the whole thing.

 (Two male aliens are calm and not panting and standing apart from the other four)

(They screech after Rick points at them)

  Male alien with glasses: Hey! No, no- uurgh!

(Morty screams. The other four are assimilated)

Rick: Called it.

All six aliens together: Hello Rick. Long time no see.

Rick: Unity!?

Morty: Rick?

Summer: Grandpa?

Rick: Oh boy. Uh, these are my grandkids, Summer and Morty. Summer, Morty, this is uh, Unity. We sort of used to, uh, date.

 [intro credits begin]

[Scene's of life on Unity's planet are shown; S.S. Independence lands]

  Rick: Quite an operation you got going here Une. You're a whole planet now huh?

Unity (Administrator): After we broke up, I spend some time wandering through space,

Unity (Thin suited man): then I found this world,

Unity (Large suited man): where I was better able to focus on my passion for unification.

Summer: You mean stealing peoples’ bodies?

Rick: Summer, rude. Why don't you kids run off and play with Unity while Unity and I do some catching up.

(four aliens come over to Morty and Summer put a hand on their shoulders)

Summer: Ugh.

Morty: Wait! Rick, aren't these people going to barf into our mouths and absorb us?

Unity (Administrator): You're guests here on my planet, you're free to be yourselves; I've never been good at disappointing Rick.

Summer: Well now I'm going to barf. Come on Morty.

[Trans. to garage; Jerry is rooting through shelves]

Beth: Jerry, what are you- what are you doing in here?

Jerry: I'm trying to find our weed whacker, ‘cause our weeds are wack, yo.

Beth: But you can't go in the garage when Rick's not here.

Jerry: I can't?

Beth: Well, he doesn't like it.

Jerry: What's he gonna do, crash rent-free at his other family's house?

Beth: What is that supposed to mean?

(Jerry stands up and turns to face Beth)

Jerry: Your dad gets to walk all over us because of your abandonment issues! He's playing you, shorty.

Beth: Oh, stop affecting that stupid hip-hop dialect!

Jerry: Stop shifting the crosshairs to my ironic urban patois just because your relationship with your father is toe-up from the flow-up.

(Gurgling sounds come from below. Beth and Jerry look around)

Jerry: What the hell was that?

Beth: (whispering) I don't know, let's just leave!

(More gurgling. Jerry removes the mat to reveal a hatch in the floor.)

Jerry: That is a hatch! Your father put a hatch in my garage!

Beth: You don't know it was him! [pauses] Anyway, we’re not supposed to be in here!

Jerry: Obviously, neither is whatever's gurgling down there.


[Trans. to Unity’s planet: Rick is approaching a news stand]

Rick: World peace achieved. Nice! A little weird to publish a paper about it for yourself, but hey. So what's next?

Unity (Newsagent): After I become a type-one civilisation, this world will be invited into the Galactic Federation.

Rick: Oh, goody.

(As Rick walks, Unity switches between people nearby to have a flawless conversation without having to stop what they’re doing)

Unity (Customer): From there I'll have access to countless planets and species.

Unity (Pedestrian): One by one, I will unify them, I will become the universe, and I will be what the single-minded once called a god.

Rick: [burps] I like that. Oh, that's pretty sexy. Hey listen, where can I get a drink around here?

Unity (Old woman): Recreational substances were phased out here. There's no need for escape from the self when your world is one.

Rick: Unity, Unity, who am I talking to? I watched you assimilate a whole police station just to get your hands on the evidence locker.

Unity (Worker): Rick, when we met I was a young hivemind with the population of a small town. People... change.

Unity (Busker): Especially when I change them. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but... I’ve grown.

Rick: Hey, listen, I’ve grown too. I have! See, I’ve- I’ve reconnected with my family, right?

Unity (Police officer): Hm, why is that I wonder?

Rick: Maybe it's part of getting old. Maybe I just miss being with... a collective.

(Rick and Unity start kissing. A crowd forms around them)

Unity (Crowd): Yes Rick! Yes! Yes!

Rick: Oh yeah!

Unity (Crowd): Yes! Yes!

Rick: Wait, wait, stop! H-Hold it! Not like this. We need a hang glider. And a crotchless Uncle Sam costume. And I want the entire field of your largest stadium covered end to end with naked redheads! And I want the stands packed with every man that remotely resembles my father!

[Trans. to a mountain being carved into the shape of Morty and Summer’s heads. Morty and Summer are being fanned and eating hamburgers]

Morty: Look at ‘em go! So coordinated! What’s your problem? They’re making you into a Mount Rushmore! They made burgers!

Summer: Morty, open your eyes! There is no they! These poor people's’ bodies are being used! They're a planet of puppets!

Unity (Fan holder): I can hear you.

Summer: Ugh!

Morty: Well, seems like everybody here's cool with it. Except for all those redheads. They seem like they're in a hurry to be somewhere else.

Unity (Clown): Balloon, Summer? Balloon, Morty?

Summer: No, we don't want your dumb balloons. We’re bored. Take us back to Rick.

Unity (Clown): Now's... not a good time.

[Trans. to Rick in a hang glider and Uncle Sam costume, flying towards a stadium]

Rick: Oh yeah! I want youuuuuu!

Unity (Stadium): Go son go! Go son go! Go son go!

[Trans. to Earth: Jerry and Beth are looking down the hatch, which is open]

Jerry: Oh! Real nice! Real nice! How does a man do this without me noticing?

Beth: Oh, you know my dad. Once he puts his mind to something...

Jerry: You're spinning this to his credit?


Jerry: I'm going down there.

Beth: Jerry!

Jerry: Beth, this is my house, which makes this my garage, my secret hatch, my hidden subterranean lair,  and my faceless gargler. Now, are you going to keep hating this playa, or are you gonna jack my steed?

Beth: Okay, you're just making stuff up now.

[Trans. to Rick, who’s walking out in a bathrobe, panting, to applause]

Rick: Oh my god. Oh my god. [Drinks water]

Unity (Redheads): Oh Rick, it was so bad.

Rick: What's this ‘was’ stuff? I just need to hydrate and then we’re doing that again!

(Beta-7’s spaceships arrive from skyward)

Unity (Redhead): Oh damn.

Rick: Listen, if this is an invasion I gotta sit this one out, but I'll- I'll be back to have sex with the survivors.

Unity (Redhead): It's a neighboring hivemind species, Beta-7. Our planet's maintained a practical alliance for exchange of vital resources. (whispering) So be nice!

Beta-7: Unity. [pauses] Is it a... bad time? Are all... present lifeforms... assimilated?

Unity (Man with glasses): Beta-7, this is my single-minded friend from Earth, Rick.

Beta-7: Rick... Sanchez. Unity has spoken of you.

Rick: All bad I hope. [laughing]

(Rick laughs and puts his hand on the lead Beta-7’s shoulders. All Beta-7 assimilated scream and point at Rick)

Rick: Whoa, Jesus Christ!

Unity (Redhead): Beta-7, if my allies are a problem for you perhaps our alliance is as well.

Beta-7: Our alliance is beneficial. When Beta-7 expresses concern it- it's only ... be-because...

Rick: Oh snap! Powdered neutronium? Amphetetron? You know what I can make with this stuff?

Unity (Redhead): Oh... Rick, I- I shouldn't...

Rick: Come on, it's not every day that I'm in town! It- it's for old time's sake.

Unity (Redhead): Uh... Okay, what the hell! We can purify the resin and make fractal dust!

Rick: Oh, I was thinking velocitinis, but...

Unity: Aww, old man Rick can't party with the whole planet?

(Both laugh)

Rick: I can do whatever you do and more, baby.

Beta-7: Hrmm...

(Beta-7 leaves)

Rick: You know, I think Beta-7 over there is hoping your alliance can be more than practical.

(Both laugh)

[Trans. To Rick’s underground lair. Jerry is searching with a flashlight.]

Jerry: Well, this explains the six thousand dollar electric bill.

(Both see Blim Blam chained up to a wall and yell)

Blim Blam: [Gurgling]

Jerry: Well. Nice. Real nice. Alien prisoners under the house. Real nice. Nice. Reeeal-

Beth: Goddamn it, stop.

[Trans. to Unity’s planet, Summer is in the street on a soapbox with a megaphone]

Summer: Wake up people! You have to fight it! You're under the spell of an evil monster!

Unity (Man with glasses): I can hear you.

Summer: Yeah! So you keep saying!

(She starts slapping the man)

Morty: Summer!

Summer: Wake up! You have to have some individuality left in there!

Unity (Steven Phillips): Why do you hate me, Summer?

Summer: I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to...

(She reaches into his pocket and grabs his wallet, and flips over to his license)

Summer: ...Steven Phillips! Steven! Set yourself free!

Unity (Steven Phillips): Summer, before I took over this planet, this man was a registered sex offender.

Summer: ...Yeah, well so what? At least he was himself.

Unity (M.Biologist): This woman was a drug addict on the verge of suicide. Now she's a marine biologist.

Morty: Listen Unity, I don't think my sister's trying to say that life would be perfect without you. I think she's just saying that life would be... you know, life.

Unity (Old man): I have transformed life here into a paradise. Prostitutes are now scientists. The homeless are now phisosophers.

Summer: Oh, phi- phisosophers?

Unity (Old man): Philophiluh... phiphophibup...

Summer: Oh my god. Where did you learn to talk you grandpa-stealing slut?

Unity (Old man): I'm feeling... urk!

(The man falls down and vomits. All other assimilated in the area follow suit.)

Morty: Oh man! Let me help all of you guys up!

Unity (All): I'm fine!

[Trans. to penis-shaped house. Various assimilated are dancing. Rick is on the couch drinking]

Unity (Administrator): Do you know what I love about you, Rick? You're the only single mind I’ve met who really sees the big picture.

Rick: You got that right. But... baby, listen. Y-you're talking about taking over planets and galaxies, you gotta... you gotta just... remember to let go sometimes, you know.

Unity (Administrator): I can let go! Hey, look! You see that town across the river? Watch this.

(Planes fly past and bomb the town, blowing it all up)

Rick: Whoa!

Unity (Administrator): Ha ha! Woot!

Rick: Whoa! That's not what I meant!

Unity (Administrator): [laughing] It's okay! It's okay, I evacuated! I evacuated the town, look!

Unity (Townspeople): Hey! Right here! We’re fine!

Rick: [laughing] Oh, that was awesome! My grandkids weren't in that town, right? A-are my grandkids alive? ... H-hey, my drink is empty.

[Trans. to street. More assimilated are dancing, though they’re falling over and puking. Vehicles crash. Morty and Summer are running and almost get crushed by falling beams.]

Morty and Summer: Aah!

Summer: Unity, what's happening?

Steven Phillips: Who's Unity? You kids have nice feet. Mind if I take a picture?

Summer: Gross, no!

(He takes a picture anyway and wanders off)

Morty: I think you're getting what you wanted, Summer. Something's happening to Unity.

Summer: Do... all of you remember who you are?

Ron Benson: ...Yeah. My name is Ron Benson. I'm... an electrical engineer. Father of two, and as you can see from my flat concentric nipple rings, I'm a member of this planet's top race! [opens shirt to reveal ring nipples]

Summer: Okay, that's good! Uh... Don't focus too much on the last part, but...

Daryl Jefferson: I'm Daryll Jefferson. I'm a landscaper. And I'll be damned if that ripple-nipple bitch's race is superior! [removes shirt] The cone-nipple people will rule this world!

Ron Benson: You shut your mouth, you dirty knife-nipple bastards!

Daryl Jefferson: What'd you say to me, you target-chested piece of shit?

Alien man: Race war!

(The crowd breaks out into fighting)

Summer: Why are you fighting? Can't you see you're all the same?

Morty: Ah, Summer. Ha ha. First race war, huh?

Morty: Way to go, Summer. You started a race war.

Summer: I didn't start it! They're the racists! I... I  merely empowered them to follow their apparently misguided dreams!

Morty: Okay, thanks for clarifying! Y- I'll have a super accurate headstone now!

Rioter: Hey wait, what race are you guys?

Morty: [pulling up shirt] We’re neither! S-see?

Summer: Yeah, take my word for it. We just have regular nipples.

Rioter: Hey! These two freaks have no race!

(Morty and Summer run, and get chased by a gang of rioters, before getting cornered against a wall)

Morty: Oh, there's no place like home! There's no place like home! Remember, Summer?

Summer: Oh...

(The two hug)

Morty: From Dorothy and The Tiny People movie?

Summer: O-oh, yes, yes yes...

Morty: All the tiny people?

Summer: Dorothy, take us away! Take us away!

(As the rioters get closer, Unity (SWAT) drops in and surrounds the two, pushing the rioters back. An assimilated drops down and pulls the two into a hovercopter)

Unity (SWAT): Hello Summer. Hello Morty.

Unity (Pilot): It's okay! You're safe now.

Morty: U-Unity?

Unity (SWAT): Yes.

Summer: Oh, Unity I am so sorry. I didn't know freedom meant people doing stuff that sucks! I was thinking more of... a choose-your-own-cellphone-carrier thing.

Unity (Pilot): Oh, Summer, you did nothing wrong! I'm having fun with your grandpa! Lost a little control. Probably shouldn't be piloting a hovercopter, nor should I be... running two hundred thousand pediatric hospitals and twelve million deep friers, but hey! It's not like this planet can take its business elsewhere!

Morty: Um... should we maybe stop somewhere and get you a coffee? Maybe splash a little water on your face, or...?

Unity (Pilot): No, no, if I wanted to be sober, I wouldn't have gotten drunk! Wooohoooo!

[Trans. to Rick’s underground lair. Blim Blam is chained up, Beth and Jerry are arguing]

Jerry: Oh man. I cannot wait. I cannot wait to hear Rick explain his way around this. He is gone!

Beth: Jerry, stop! Please, okay, we weren't even supposed to be down here. If we confront him about this-

Jerry: Oh my god! I love this! I love that this is how far you will go for him. You wanna go upstairs, and cut carrots, and watch a Lifetime original, above a fucking alien dungeon! Your relationship with your father is psychotic!

Beth: Oh listen to you relish the idea that my genius father is a bad person! Step out of your ego for a second and look at this thing! It's a monster! He might have it chained up so that it doesn't eat the planet!

Jerry: Right, because your father's such an altruist? I once saw him briefly forget the word for humans! He's probably harvesting this creature's organs!

Beth: He's probably racing to cure its space aids!

Jerry: He's going to eat it!

Beth: He's protecting it!

Blim Blam: [Gurgles]

Both: Shut up!

[Trans. to penis-shaped house, now on fire. Summer and Morty enter.]

Summer: Unity! This place is a mess!

Unity (Administrator): Oh, it's cool! The part of me that's the cleaning lady is coming on Friday. [gasps] Oh my god! I have a meeting at the galactic federation in an hour. Oh, I'll never make it! Ah, I'll push it to next week.

Morty: Unity, could you get Rick out here please?

Unity (Administrator): He's... unavailable! He's-

Summer: Having sex with you, we get it! Gross. Get him out here now.

Unity (Administrator): I don't think he wants to be-

Summer: (shouting) Grandpa Rick!

Morty: (shouting) Rick! Rick!

Summer: (shouting) I'm gonna tell mom and dad about the gagoo you have locked up under the garage!

(Rick stumbles out, topless, wearing an ammunition belt, a mexican hat and pants, a fake moustache and clutching a bottle of beer)

Rick: What the hell... is your problem?

Summer: Grandpa, we need to go home! Now!

Rick: Fine, geez!

(He opens a portal)

Rick: See ya!

Morty: Uh, Rick? I think we should all go.

Rick: Tend your garden, kids, I'm kinda doing a thing here.

(He puts his arms around two assimilated, who cheer and laugh)

Summer: Grandpa Rick, we’re not leaving without you!

Rick: Oh my god [belches] you guys I get it. You're afraid the big bad hivemind is gonna steal  your grandpa away.

Summer: Actually, no. I think Unity's great and you're a horrible influence on it!

Rick: What?

Morty: This isn't healthy, Rick! Y- you know you-you're really up to no good around here. I-at-at this place,  you know?

Summer: You and Unity are like... like... leggings and mid-calf boots. You think you're great together but you're just bringing out the worst in each other!

Rick: Oh, gee, boy Summer, well put. Uh, why don't we see what Unity thinks. Unity?

Unity (Shades guy): I'm just taking a little break from stuff. You know? I need to relax.

Rick: Oh, hey, wh-what's this on the news, guys? L-l-let me turn it up.

Unity (Todd): In the news today, this looks a lot worse than it is. We’re... really just having a good time. Karen?

Unity (Karen): Thanks, Todd. Up next: Are you a concerned grandchild or just a buzzkill? We'll tell you how you can really know for sure!

Rick: I think you two are a little outnumbered.

Summer: Okay! Well, what if you did it for me? What if you came with us as a favour to us... because you love us?

Rick: What? Dumb. Bye.

Morty: But Rick, Summer's just-

Rick: Summer's just a hyper-emotional, needy little- what's the word I'm looking for here... uh- human! It runs in the family! I can tolerate it but I can't give a crap about it. Take a hike.

Summer: Take care of yourself, Unity.

(Summer and Morty leave through the portal)

Rick: I'm not looking for judgement, just a yes or no. Can you assimilate a giraffe?

[Trans. back to Beth and Jerry]

Beth: You're the worst!

Jerry: No! You're the worst! You don't support this family!

(The two start yelling over the top of one another)

Jerry: All you care about is yourself!

Beth: You think supporting the family is about supporting you emotionally...

Jerry: You've got two children being dragged across the cosmos...

Beth: ...but you're unsupportable! Because it's never enough, Jerry!

Jerry: your dangerously ill father, and you force me to watch it happen!

Beth: It will never be enough support to satisfy you! And you don't even know what it's like...

Jerry: Because you'd rather lose them and lose me than lose him!

Beth: be afraid of losing anything because you cling and you cling and you cling...

Jerry: And why? Because you're the child, Beth. You, not me, you!

(Blim Blam gurgles angrily and breaks free)

Jerry: Aaah!

Beth: Oh my god!

(Both back away. Jerry puts his arm protectively in front of Beth. Blim Blam moves past them and breaks into a cabinet, before pulling out an object and pointing it at the two like a gun)

Beth and Jerry: Aah!

(Blim Blam pushes the object into his neck)

Blim Blam: Um, first of all, hello. Uh, my name is Blim Blam the korblok. Second of all, cards on the table: I am a murderer that eats babies and I came to this planet to eat babies. However, I am also carrying a highly infectious disease, that I suppose you could call ‘space aids’ as you put it, and Rick did chain me up so that he could attempt to cure it. At the same time, Rick's motivation to cure my disease was not to save my life or anyone else's, but to patent and sell the cure for billions of blemflarks. But you know the reason why I ripped my chains out of the wall? And do you know why I'm never coming back to this planet? Because the two of you are the fucking worst! You both hate yourselves and each other! And the idea that it has anything to do with Rick is laughable! I'd laugh but I'm biologically incapable, that's how alien I am! And even I'm sitting here listening to the two of you, and being like, what the fuck?!? So! Good luck with your shitty marriage, and I'm sorry that Rick has to deal with either of you. Blim Blam, out!

(He drops the translator and leaves, but quickly rushes back to pick it up again)

Blim Blam: You know what? I'm taking this.

(Trans. to garage. Summer and Morty have returned. Blim Blam pushes at the garage door but can’t open it)

Blim Blam: How do you- what is this?

(Morty activates the garage door opener)

Blim Blam: Uh, is there a slow setting? Best door ever.

(He leaves, flipping the two off with a penis-shaped finger)

[Trans. to Rick, who’s on the couch watching TV surrounded by several assimilated]

Rick: Aaah! [coughs] Okay, okay, now make him cry. But happy cry. Now make ‘em all make fun of the blonde one. Now make ‘em all do it on the table! I can’t believe you created a whole show for me. Now cancel it! Okay, now put it back on. Haha! [pauses] Alright, I’m bored.

Unity (Administrator): Rick, is there a way for you to call Summer and Morty? I feel bad that they-

Rick: Pfft, screw those guys! Uugh, I'll be right back. Don't waste your brain on those weirdos, Unity. They're no different from any other aimless chumps that you occupy. They just put you at the centre of their lives because you're powerful and then because they put you there they want you to be less powerful. Never gonna happen though, right?

Unity (all): Never.

Rick: Never! Back in a flash.

(Rick goes into the bathroom, and washes his hands and face)

Rick: Best weekend ever, Rick! I agree, Rick! Let's see how long we can go!

(He goes back into the main room. Unity has disappeared, but there are letters everywhere)

Rick: Hey Une! You got any more-

(He picks up a note and reads it. Unity talks in a voiceover, using the voices of different assimilated for each part)

Unity (voiceover): Rick, forgive me for doing this in notes. I'm not strong enough to do it in persons.

(Rick starts wandering around town. The entire town is filled with letters. He picks up to read some as he goes)

Unity (voiceover): I realize now that I'm attracted to you for the same reason I can't be with you. You can't change. And I have no problem with that, but... it clearly means I have a problem with myself.

Unity (voiceover): I'm sure there's no perfect version of me. I'm sure I'll just unify species after species and never really be complete.

Unity (voiceover): But I know how it goes with us. I lose who I am and become part of you. Because in a strange way you're better at what I do without even trying. Yours, and nobody else's, Unity. P.S. I don't know where those coal miners were before they got assimilated. You might want to get checked.

[Trans. to the Smiths watching TV in the living room. Rick enters from the left]

Rick: Hey.

Beth: Dad... [clears throat] I... um... Jerry and I were looking for our weed whacker, and found your subterranean lair... and your alien prisoner. And... he got away. And I know I sound like mom but I can't sacrifice this whole family's safety just because I'm afraid you'll leave again, so no more alien prisoners, and, no more subterranean excavation without consulting us.

Rick: Okay.

Beth: ...Okay? Y-y-y-y-Okay like you're gonna quietly teleport somewhere and never come back?

Rick: No. It's your house.

Summer: Grandpa Rick! What happened... with Unity?

Rick: Who? Oh. Unity. Yeah, well, I mean honestly we’re talking about an entity that thrives on enslavement, you know. It's not cool. Fun's fun but who needs it? I'll be in the garage.

(“Do you feel it?” by Chaos Chaos starts playing in the background. Rick enters the garage, looking depressed, and drains his flask before throwing it away. Then he pulls out two bulbs and puts together a metal contraption on the desk. He pulls a frozen alien creature out of the drawers and brings it to life with a flask of chemicals, strokes it while it shrieks helplessly, and drinks the rest of the chemicals. He puts one of the bulbs into the contraption and sticks the alien under it, disintegrating it with a blast of energy, then replaces the bulb and repeats the process with his own head. At the last second, he falls unconscious, dodging the killing blast. The screen zooms out through the open garage door, showing Rick slumped still on the desk through the night and into the morning, even as Jerry shows up, happily weeding the garden and the driveway without noticing Rick.)


[After Credits scene: Rick’s spaceship is outside Beta-7’s main ship. Rick is driving, with Morty in the passenger seat]

Rick: Unity! Unity! Unity!

(A transmission comes in from Beta-7)

Beta-7: How can I assist you?

Rick: I wanna talk to [belches] Unity. Beta-7, I know it's in there!

Beta-7: You're classified as a hostile entity, and Unity doesn't want to talk to you.

Rick: I know your game, Beta-7, I’ve met a billion of you, you little on-deck in-the-wind shoulder to cry on!

Beta-7: You are classified as a hostile entity.

Rick: Well, you're just loving this, mother f- this isn't gonna shape out like you think, pal! Unity's not into other hiveminds! It's gonna suck you in and use you up and a month from now I'm going to be making out with all of you in a bunch of red wigs! Unity! Unity! Unity, I know you can hear me! Get out here!

Beta-7: Weapons systems engaged.

Rick: Oh, in your dreams you have weapons systems.

Morty: Ugh, Rick, you said we were going to a movie.

Rick: We are, Morty. Alright, Beta-shit-7, you just got saved by the bell, bitch!

[Episode end]


Rick: "They're no different from any of the aimless chumps that you occupy, they just put you at the center of their lives because you're powerful, then because they put you there they want you to be less powerful. Never gonna happen though, right?"

Unity: "Never."

Unity's Note


forgive me for doing this in notes, I'm not strong enough to do it in persons,

I realize now that I am attracted to you for the same reason I cant be with you. You can't change and I have no problem with that but it clearly means, I have a problem with myself. I'm sure there's no perfect version of me Im sure I'll just unify species after species and never be complete.

But I know how it goes with us, I lose who I am and become part of you. As in a strange way your better at what I do without even trying, yours and nobody else's.


PS. I don't know what those coal miners was before I assimilated, you might want to get checked."

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Season 1 PilotLawnmower DogAnatomy ParkM. Night Shaym-Aliens!Meeseeks and DestroyRick Potion #9Raising GazorpazorpRixty MinutesSomething Ricked This Way ComesClose Rick-Counters of the Rick KindRicksy Business
Season 2 A Rickle in TimeMortynight RunAuto Erotic AssimilationTotal RickallGet SchwiftyThe Ricks Must Be CrazyBig Trouble In Little SanchezInterdimensional Cable 2: Tempting FateLook Who's Purging NowThe Wedding Squanchers
Season 3 The Rickshank RickdemptionRickmancing the StonePickle RickVindicators 3: The Return of WorldenderThe Whirly Dirly ConspiracyRest and RicklaxationTales From the CitadelMorty's Mind BlowersThe ABC's of BethThe Rickchurian Mortydate
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