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This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Full Meta Jackrick." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
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Transcript[]
(Previously on "Rick and Morty" card)
(Cuts to the dining room, the family is eating ice cream)
Space Beth: Jerry, I had sex with your wife.
(Cuts to the garage, and Rick fixing his portal gun. Morty is flying through the different portals, screaming)
Rick: I did it. I fixed portal travel.
(Cuts to Rick and Morty with another guy known as Jack the Ripper. They're all dressed as detectives)
Jack: Jack the Ripper at your service.
Morty: Cool
Rick: This happened too?
(Cuts to the dining room. The family is having cake)
Summer: I'm pregnant.
Jerry: Honey, she's just like you.
(Cuts to the front yard. It's raining meatballs from the sky. Morty is dancing in the rain)
Morty: It's raining meatballs.
Rick: Okay, something is-
(Cuts to the Smith family mourning at a funeral)
Priest: Jerry Smith died doing something he loved. Getting stung by bees.
Rick: Off what?
Morty: Have some respect. It's dad's funeral.
Summer (crying): I'm gonna name you Jerry Jr. (rubs her pregnant stomach)
(Cuts to the living room. Rick and Morty are with Tony Hawk)
Tony: Thanks for solving that murder guys! Here's a skateboard.
Morty: Aw thanks Tony Hawk.
Rick: Morty, say you'll marry me.
Morty: What?
Rick: Just say yes.
Morty: Yes.
(Cuts to Rick and Morty getting married)
Rick: Okay?
Morty: Rick, do you promise-
Rick: I do, and for our honeymoon, let's go to a, sealed chamber lined with ionized deuterium.
Morty: Why?
(Cuts to the present. Rick and Morty are in an ionized chamber)
Rick: Cause the charge acts as a narrative decelerate. Morty, none of this is real. We're in a "previously on" spiral. Clear your head.
Morty: After all that's happened?
Rick: No.
(Cuts to Beth tied to a chair, and the family watching)
Beth: I'm innocent! I didn't release the bees! I love Jerry!
Rick: What did I just say?
Morty: When?
Rick: Okay, great execution. Let's go back to the chamber.
(Cuts to the chamber)
Rick: Now repeat after me Morty. Next time on Rick and Morty.
Morty: Next time on Rick and Morty.
Previous Leon: No, previously on Rick and Morty.
Rick: Ignore it Morty. Next time on Rick and Morty. It counteracts his toxins.
Morty: Next time on Rick and Morty. Who's toxins?
Previous Leon: Hey stop it!
Rick: Previous Leon! Grab him!
(Rick and Morty both grab onto Previous Leon and they fly away)
Rick: Hang on tight Morty! We gotta get through the opening titles!
Morty: Opening titles of what?
(Intro plays. Rick and Morty are hanging onto Previous Leon the whole time with Morty asking questions and commenting on every scene. Rick and Morty both get electrocuted by the title screen. Cuts to Rick's garage)
Rick: And we're back (attacks Previous Leon)
Morty: What just happened? Why was there music? (throws up)
Rick: Cause of this conceptual little piece of shit. Grab his feet.
Morty: If we have opening titles, does that mean we're in a- (throws up)
Rick: Let your body purge the meta-venom Morty. Don't succumb to his pointless self-aware bullshit.
Previous Leon: It's not pointless, it's cool. (Pulls out a gun)
Morty: He's got a gun!
Previous Leon: Eat lead pussy! (Rick attacks him before he can shoot. Previous Leon hits him and fly away)
Rick: No, no, no. Fuck! (He fires at Previous Leon. Previous Leon breaks a hole in the fourth wall and gets away)
Rick: Son of a-
Morty: He can use a portal?
Rick: He wishes. He wriggled back into the meta-layer through the hole in the fourth wall. (Grabs two goggles, and gives one to Morty) Put these on, and help me find it. (Turns Morty's goggles on)
Morty: I don't like this Rick.
Rick: Yeah, you shouldn't. It's not a likable premise. It's funny when I do a little nod to the viewers but-
Morty: What viewers?
Rick: That's the right attitude Morty. A few carefree verbal asides, always by me. None of this season 3 moonlighting shit. Okay, here it is.
Morty: Your going to patch it?
Rick: No, he subverted actual reality Morty. (burps) He needs to be put down like a rabid dog. (Opens a hole in the fourth wall. They enter a different universe)
Morty: Ow fuck! (takes off the goggles)
Rick: Oh yeah. You don't wanna wear those over here.
Morty: Maybe he went down that road (points to the stairs)
Rick: No, no, no. If he took that, he'd end up a hero.
Morty: Dammit Rick. I don't like this. Is this whole place just-
Rick: A bunch of groan-inducing wordplay for seven TV critics that won't even enjoy it? This is worse than you think Morty. We're basting in meta radiation right now. Our credibility is being permanently eroded. Every second we're in here is equivalent to 10 Space Jam cameos.
Previous Leon: You should've thought of that previously.
Rick: (points to him) Get him! (Rick points a gun at him about to shoot)
Previous Leon: Oh no! (Prays) Bless me heavenly father. For you will save me (continues praying)
Morty: Now I feel bad. Let's just get out of here.
Rick: Because he prays? You know Hitler was Catholic right?
(Jesus flies out of the sky)
Jesus: I'm here Leon.
Rick: Okay he apparently prays very well.
Jesus: Time for you two to meet the Lord.
Rick: It's okay, we're good. Treat it like a bear attack Morty. Walk backwards and make yourself look big. (They both turn around)
Story Lord: I love a good refusal to call. Hello Rick.
Rick: Hello, Amish Juggler?
Jesus: His name is Story Lord.
Rick: Story Lord? Listen, trust me. Take Amish Juggler, you can have it.
Morty: (points to Story Lord) Story Lord! Rick, he's the villain from the toy train I bought you.
Story Lord: Very good Morty. The fictional versions of you trapped me in a Bible show for children, but I used make-believe Christ to transcend fiction and enter meta-reality. Now, I'm the one doing the trapping. Leon was the bait.
Previous Leon: Bait?
Story Lord: Jesus?
(Jesus rips off Previous Leon's wings. Rick and Morty run away, but Jesus grabs them, bang their heads together and throws them to the ground. He grabs Rick, and throws him into a wall)
Morty: You're using Jesus to beat us up? Have you seen South Park?
Rick: Good call-out Morty. That's the kind of meta I like. The kind that keeps us creatively accountable. (Jesus grabs Rick) Oh, not the Bane, not the Bane. (Jesus Banes Rick) He Baned me Morty. Jesus Baned me.
(Morty throws a rock at Jesus. Jesus turns around)
Morty: You can't beat me up. I'm- I'm- I'm- I'm technically a Christian child.
Jesus: And I'm your worst nightmare. I'm the Jesus from every Jesus joke. The one without a god.
Rick: Morty, take this and go. (Takes out a remote. Story Lord steps on his hand and takes the remote)
Story Lord: Thank you! Looks like Story Lord's story is about to become based on real events.
Rick: What do you want from that?
Story Lord: I want what any character wants. Motivation.
Rick: What? (burps) That's dumb.
Morty: That's lazy.
Story Lord; Forward your notes to my ass.
Jesus: Wait what? He just left.
Rick: Kinda wanna make you our unlikely ally huh? (Jesus grabs Rick and Morty. Previous Leon spits on him before he can do anything. Jesus falls to his knees)
Previous Leon: Previously on Jesus Christ.
(Cuts to a bar. Jesus flirts with a girl)
Jesus: Hey, I'm Jesus.
Mary: I'm Mary
Jesus: That's my mom's name
Mary: (flirts) Stop!
Disciple: She's a hooker.
Jesus: She's a better disciple than you!
(Cuts to Jesus getting crucified. He screams in pain)
(Cuts to Jesus waking up)
Jesus: (gasps) Oh no! I can't die.
(Cuts to a dining room. Jesus is with a guy)
Soldier: I have a proposition for you.
Jesus: I work alone.
(Cuts to Jesus fighting a sea monster)
(Cuts to Jesus sword fighting Dracula)
Dracula: If I suck your blood, I'll be invincible I think.
Jesus: You'll never know (stabs Dracula through the chest, killing him)
(Cuts to a news report)
News reporter: Billionaire immortal entrepreneur Jesus Christ has placed all his money into what he's calling a second chance at love.
(Cuts to Mary getting electrocuted)
Jesus: Hang on Mary!
Mary: The data! So beautiful
(Cuts to a witch's house. Jesus walks in)
Jesus: Make me normal, witch.
(Cuts to Jesus getting struck by lightning)
Jesus: Take this, haaah!
(Cuts to Jesus in the hospital with someone feeding him pudding)
Nurse: Eat your pudding Mr. Christ. What are you smiling at?
Jesus: (chuckles) your name.
(Her nametag says Mary on it)
(Cuts to the present)
Morty: What's happening Rick?
Rick: Leon's venom makes you think more and more of your life is behind you as he feeds on your released potential.
Morty: Leon, you saved our lives.
Rick: Oh, not yet he hasn't. (He whips Previous Leon)
Morty: Jeez Rick, so mean?
Rick: He's meta Morty. His life doesn't matter. Yours does. That's why we need to get back.
(Cuts to Story Lord holding the box of the toy train)
Story Lord: Well this doesn't look like the citadel. (looks at the citadel toy store) Maybe it's cooler on the inside.
(Story Lord kicks the door open)
Writer: This isn't what it looks like. This is a very special diet for very successful writers. Why do you look like my character?
Story Lord: I am your character, and you are going to improve me.
Writer: But you're Story Lord. You're great.
Story Lord: Great isn't good enough. I killed Rick and made myself real. I'm better than some shitty toy train. Is this your office or your apartment? Why does it smell like you sleep here? You are my creator. Why are you pathetic?
Writer: Because you failed.
Story Lord: And who's fault is that? What the hell happened?
Writer: You wanna know happened? Like specifically? Well the Ricks wanted to do a Canterbury-tales type of thing, but none of them fucking read Canterbury-tales, so then they told me to make it like a poker game episode of the Batman cartoon, where the bad guys tell stories about Batman. Then they tell me it needed something. Yeah, no shit it needed something. I needed to ever be pitched. I did my job. Goomby, the Ice Queen, the Tickets Please Guy. They just bailed on it. The website didn't even fucking work. There was a shitty URL to begin with. Story-dash-train? Who uses a dash? They set me up to fail. They fucked me. They fucked me, and you're lucky I didn't blow their brains out.
Story Lord: Right, just give me motivation you hacky fart.
Writer: Okay, here's your motivation. Looking for motivation. You want all the motivation.
Story Lord: That's lazy.
Writer: It got you this far. Must be nice by the way. Wish I could afford to dress like a bisexual acting coach from the 70s.
Story Lord: My motivation is motivation.
Writer: Okay, bye.
Story Lord: Oh no, my bitter friend. (cracks knuckles) You're coming with me.
(Cuts to a giant fortress with Rick and Morty dragging Previous Leon)
Rick: Yo, if you don't see me coming, it's a bad fortress!
Morty: Where are we?
Rick: Headquarters of the Self-Referential Six. They're meta nerds that found out they could be less bearable as a team.
Morty: They can help us?
Rick: No, but there's a prisoner in here who can. Shh! Don't tell them that!
Miss Lead: Rick Sanchez! I've been waiting for this moment for years.
Rick: Oh good. Morty, this is Miss- (Miss Lead slaps Rick in the face) Lead.
Miss Lead: I should kill you where you stand. (Miss Lead title pops up)
Rick: I brought you Previous Leon. You'll want to lock him up in your detention center.
Previous Leon: It's a trick. He wants you prisoner.
Rick: You dick.
Miss Lead: Liar! (Runs toward Rick, but he uses a force field)
Rick: Talk about a mislead. Anti-meta field.
Flash Back: Fancy device. I think I can recall the time you built it.
Rick: Don't try it Flash Back!
(Flash Back card pops up. He uses his powers to flash back to Rick's garage)
Morty: You know I'm excited about the upcoming election.
Rick: This force field will be impenetrable by meta-energy. It runs on hydrogen isotopes.
(Flash Back was watching the whole thing and walks up to Rick and Morty)
Flash Back: Hmm. (He uses his powers to go back to the present) Hydrogen isotopes!
Connie Tinuity Error: A few barrels of petroleum should dampen it.
Rick: Run Morty! (they run into stacks of toxic barrels)
Connie Tinuity Error: Were those not there before? Guess there has been a Connie Tinuity Error. (Connie Tinuity Error card pops up)
Morty: These people are the worst!
Rick: I told you. Way overpowered. (uses a match to explode the barrels)
Morty: Look out Rick!
Rick: Forget him. He's a nameless guard.
(Protago Nick fly toward Rick and Morty)
Rick: That's Protago Nick! His beam has the power to make any character the protagonist. (Protago Nick card pops up. Rick throws a boomerang toward Protago Nick) Duck! (It hits him, and he shoots out a character)
Marvin: (running away) Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! Ah! What are you doing Marvin? Not dying. That's what I'm doing.
Katie: Oh, what's going on? What happened?
Marvin: I did it again Katie. I ran out on another job.
Katie: Well if you didn't do that, you wouldn't be my man.
(Marvin the Cowardly Security Guard title screen shows. A bunch of clips showing Marvin running away from various creatures shows. Rick eventually destroys his watch, and kicks Protago Nick)
Rick: I was almost tempted to let it go. That's how much I hate it here.
(A grenade pops out and explodes)
Rick: Smash cut!
(Cuts to white. Then cuts to Rick and Morty tied to a chair with Mr. Twist)
Mr. Twist: Remember me Rick?
Morty: Who's this guy now?
Mr. Twist: I am Mr. Twist. (Mr. Twist card pops up) The fifth member of the Self-Referential Six.
Morty: Who's the sixth?
Mr. Twist: That's the twist Morty. It's you.
Morty: What?
Rick: Ignore him Morty. The twist is that there's no sixth member, and he tells that to everybody.
Mr. Twist: In any case, you're ours now. You can't free yourself without a twist, and I control them.
Morty: You don't control every Twist, Mr. Twist. I got a twist for you.
Mr. Twist: Impossible. What is it?
(Morty tries to jump Mr. Twist but falls, still tied to the chair)
Mr. Twist: Nice try. Like I didn't see that coming.
(Morty spits out a key)
Mr. Twist: Fuck me! (his grenades tied to his belt explode. It cuts to white. Then it cuts back to the giant fortress)
Rick: Great work Morty!
Morty: I'm adapting!
Rick: Here's are ticket out of here. We got him in a cell made out of spores, because it's the opposite of story.
Morty: Do I wanna ask who he is?
Rick: His name is Brett Caan. He has power is to make things always have been other things.
Morty: I think that's called retconning. His name is Brett Caan? Rhett can also be a name. His name can be Rhett Caan?
Brett Caan: Oh it is, and it always have been, now.
Morty: Woah!
Rick: Careful Morty. Stay clear of his retcon range. Until he agrees to help us.
Brett Caan: Help you. You've always trusted me.
Rick: Nice try. Here's how it's gonna work. You're gonna make it so that Morty and I never came here. Once that's always been the case, I'll free you remotely with this. (pulls out a machine similar to the one who's only purpose is to pass butter)
Machine: What is my purpose?
Rick: To wait until I tell you to pull the lever.
Machine: You are fucking kidding me.
Brett Caan: If you don't free me right now Rick, I can make very very bad things always have been the case.
Rick: Is that a threat you fuck. Y-y-you can rot in there.
Morty: Rick? (the Self-Referential Six walks in)
Rick: You know what Brett. Forget what I said. We have always been friends. (they run away)
Brett Caan: Good one. (He walks towards the Self-Referential Six)
Connie Tinuity Error: Woah! Easy Brett. Don't forget that coffee mug I gave you.
Brett Caan: (looks at mug, it says world's best prisoner) You were always been able to be killed by coffee. (spills coffee all over her, she melts away and he breaks the mug)
Rick: New plan Morty. Run. Again.
Mr. Twist: The twist being- (he swings towards Brett Caan)
Brett Caan: You were born without bones.
(Mr. Twist falls to the ground, having a jelly-like build. Brett Caan laughs evilly)
Brett Caan: There has been nothing outside this fortress.
(Rick and Morty open the door, only to reveal they are extremely high up)
Rick: God dammit!
Brett Caan: The fortress has always been an orange!
(Rick and Morty pop out of an orange)
Morty: Great plan Rick.
Rick: Yeah, I'm not pushing back on that Morty. I have really fucked us.
(Goes to commercial. Cuts to Rick and Morty walking through a blizzard)
Morty: Ugh, it hurts.
Rick: We've been past the fourth wall too long Morty. We won't be real for much longer.
Morty: You've killed us Rick. You just had to hate meta storytelling.
(Rick wraps Morty up with his lab coat)
Rick: In my defense Morty, I think you have to agree, my hate was justified. (moans)
Morty: Least earned death ever. (They both lay down, ready to die. Someone comes up to them and grabs them)
Joseph Campbell: Death is a threshold.
(Rick and Morty wake up in his house)
Morty: Huh.. what- what happened?
Joseph Campbell: You were cold.
Morty: Who- who are you?
Joseph Campbell: I'm Joseph Campbell. (pours some soup) Soup? I almost considered not making it, because my name is Campbell, but then I thought, stay in the moment Joe. Follow your bliss.
Rick: How are you here? Brett Caan said there was nothing.
Joseph Campbell: Some things never change about mythology. There's always an old man with soup. Name one story that doesn't have one.
Morty: Uhh Jack in the Beanstalk.
Rick: Basketball Diaries.
Morty: Every Matrix.
Rick: Every movie ever.
Joseph Campbell: Alright, I don't have to defend myself here.
Previous Leon: Where's my soup? (coughs)
Rick: Previous fucking Leon. Why is that prick here?
Joseph Campbell: He's no more a prick than you friend.
Rick: Meta characters erode reality.
Joseph Campbell: But all characters are meta Rick. All of us are nourished and consumed by chaos, like newborns at the breast of a meth addict in a lifeboat filled with forks.
Morty: I know what you have to do Rick.
Rick: Scrub Campbell's browser history?
Morty: Just trust Previous Leon. Can you previously us a way home?
(Previous Leon struggles to get up, and flies toward Rick)
Previous Leon: I sure enjoy trying.
Rick: Yeah, I bet you would.
Joseph Campbell: Rick can't change Morty. Change is what you might call his Kryptonite, except instead of being super, he's you know. Kind of a pussy.
Rick: Let's do it.
(Previous Leon hits Rick with his mouth. Rick passes out)
Previous Leon: Previously on Rick.
(Cuts to a black screen)
Morty: (yelling) Get him off! Get him off!
(Cuts back to the present. Joseph Campbell and Morty help Rick up)
Morty: He almost killed you!
Joseph Campbell: Well I feel bad. I kinda pressured you into trying-
Rick: You calling me a pussy?
Joseph Campbell: I said I feel bad.
(Joseph Campbell unfolds a map)
Joseph Campbell: This is a map to a region rich narrative ore. I wish you the best of luck.
(Cuts to Rick staring at Morty digging)
Rick: Faster Morty! I'd help but I can't blister my inventing hands.
(Cuts to the house)
Morty: How long will it take?
Rick: Years.
Joseph Campbell: You can live in my wood shed. Just don't open the door after dark.
Morty: Why not?
(Cuts to the wood shed with someone banging at the door. It's clearly after dark)
Person at the door: Come out you communist Jews!
Rick: Dude, maybe I'm not an alcoholic.
Morty: I know right.
Person at the door: You fucking Back to the Future ripoffs!
(Cuts to Rick and Morty outside)
Rick: It's ready.
Morty: Rick, I should stay.
Rick: Why?
Morty: I'm pregnant.
(Cuts to what seems to be a library room. Rick is trying to dunk Joseph Campbell's head in water)
Morty: What are you doing? It wasn't him Rick.
Rick: Well then who?
Previous Leon: Me! I never left! But you had to think all this had happened to make that.
Rick: So I can take this through the titles. (grabs a machine)
Previous Leon: If you hang on tight.
Morty: What about my beard and unborn child?
Previous Leon: Let them go.
Rick: Thank you Leon.
Joseph Campbell: When you get home Rick, do some classic adventures. Like season 1-
Rick: I'm so sick of that fucking note. What the fuck does it even mean? (He puts the machine on the ground, presses a button and it breaks a hole in the fourth wall. They walk through it, and it shows the Rick and Morty title card again, with both of them flying out of it. Cuts to the fortress)
Story Lord: Now one last time, what's my motivation?
Writer: Motivation. This machine will siphon it from everyone in the universe.
Story Lord: Perfect! Green lit! Launch it!
(Writer turns on the toy trains)
Story Lord: Yes, it's working! I can feel it! Something I'm doing is actually affecting someone! (the motivation is leaving everyone)
(Shows a factory with workers)
Worker #1: I don't wanna work anymore.
Worker #2: I do, but there's no excuse to not practice guitar.
(Shows three people playing golf)
Putter: Why don't we write any number down on the score sheet?
Person watching Putter: Why even do that?
(Shows an office filled with worker. Telephone rings. One worker pulls up Yank Mate, and it says register now)
Worker #3: Wait you have to register?
(Cuts back to Story Lord and Writer still spinning the wheel)
Story Lord: Yes! I can feel it! I'm so motivated! I want a lot!
(Rick and Morty come out of a portal)
Rick: Story time's over.
Story Lord: Hardly your decision.
Rick: Did you seriously double down on motivation as your motivation?
Writer: It's a good idea!
Morty: There's no such thing. There's joyful and there's joyless, and we've had our fill of one.
Rick: Morty, make that sweaty writer stop working, while I kill off this character.
Story Lord: (jumping down towards Rick) I have never been more driven to destroy someone!
Rick: Yeah, well I'm driven to lower my blood sugar, but guess who's getting tacos after he kicks your ass?
(Story Lord rips off his shirt to reveal he's jacked)
Rick: So you're jacked. Who cares? (rips off his clothes to reveal he's jacked as well)
Story Lord: Cum gutters.
Rick: I don't like that phrase.
Story Lord: I don't take notes.
(They both attack each other)
Story Lord: You can't beat me Rick. (punches him) I have one million times your motivation.
Rick: So do those guys with the cell phone kiosks at the mall.
(Them both continue attacking. Rick throws Rick plushes at Story Lord)
Story Lord: The hair is wrong.
Rick: Like you'd be picky about licensing.
Story Lord: Actually I do. I happen believe that- (he gets stabbed with a forklift. He gets powered down, then powered back up)
Rick: You can do that?
Story Lord: You gotta want it.
(Cuts to Morty and Writer)
Morty: Come on. Just stop. I-I don't wanna fight you.
Writer: Kid, I'm a writer that ruined something successful. So if you want me to give it up, you're gonna need a black belt or a great pair of tits.
Morty: Yeah well I don't have those.
Writer: In the mythical sense, I am both. (shows hologram of Joseph Campbell)
Morty: Joseph Campbell?
Writer: Nice try. He died in the 80s.
Joseph Campbell: Only you can see and hear me Morty. Just repeat after what I tell you.
Morty: Okay. (clears throat) Sir, you're only proud of your creation's success, because you want to be creative, but creation doesn't happen through gimmicks, technology, and distribution. It doesn't even happen through work. Creativity is frankly adjacent to mental illness, and overlapped with it substantially. A lot of talented people kill themselves, and all of them are miserable. The real gift is to be ungifted, and from what I saw in your Green Arrow script, that's the gift you were given.
Writer: You couldn't have seen that.
Morty: I'm Joseph Campbell. I saw it.
Writer: The villain was a placeholder.
Morty: I said I saw it Jan. I didn't say I could get past page five. Your villains aren't the problem. The problem is when you write, you're a villain. If you wanna be a hero, just stop.
(Writer cries softly and stops. Shows the worker looking at Yank Mate. The motivation came back)
Worker #3: You know what? Maybe I will register.
(Cuts to Rick and Story Lord fighting)
Story Lord: Tell me I'm the new Mr. Nimbus. (His power disappears)
Rick: Oh. Looks like your writer took a hiatus.
Story Lord: Ah fuck. (Rick punches him multiple times)
Rick: You're less motivated to fight now, so this is literally punching down, but you saw it coming. (Kicks him off the ledge. Story Lord is hanging on by his hand)
Story Lord; Please, let me live! I promise to be cooler. I'll be less inside baseball. Maybe I change my name?
(Rick kicks his face, and he falls down. Morty and Writer walk up to him)
Story Lord: You failed me.
Writer: No. I failed you.
Story Lord: (coughs) All good things must come to an end.
Rick: (flies down) All bad things do though, so don't flatter yourself.
Morty: Joseph Campbell says you're the one that has to put him down.
Rick: Wait, wait, wait, Joseph Campbell also says you have to use this brand new limited edition Rick plush (grabs Rick plush from a box) available only on rick-plush.biz. Supplies are limited. Act now.
Morty: He did?
(Rick shrugs. Writer uses the plush on Story Lord, but nothing happens)
Morty: Jesus, that's the last time I buy a toy from a Rick.
Rick: The plushies are obviously well made. (lights the toy train contraption on fire)
Morty: Thanks for getting us back alive Rick.
Rick: Well I am a master at both worlds Morty.
(They portal back home. Cuts to Writer back in his office)
Writer: Joseph Campbell told me to stop writing, because it should be effortless, and when it happens organically, that's what it's meant to be. You know like umm like me. I'm a writer, here's a pencil. Writers use pencils. Okay so like, what if the pencil used me? Like okay yeah, so it's like a magic pencil that writes the writer's life. Holy shit it's a movie about a writer. I'm back!
(Joseph Campbell gesturing no in the back. Shows credits. Cuts to a wrestling match)
Tag Man: Yeah, I'm Tag Man. I-I-I live in the tag. I-I-I am the tag. I'm Tag Man. Tag-tag of the episode man. (defeats a bunch of people) Did you get any of that? (throws someone, he explodes on the wall) Yeah, when the episode's over, look out because (kicks someone, and they go flying) Yeah, here comes Tag Man, and I go crazy. Tag Man yeah. (Police start walking up to him) I'Imma tag your ass. Tag that ass. (Punches a cop, he explodes leaving blood everywhere) Tag Ass Man. I'm that Ass Man now. (punches more cops, leaving only blood) I'm Tag Man. Here's what you get. Here's your tag. You want some more? You want some more tag, you sick pieces of shit? Cause I'm Tag Man. (Army men run up to him. He punches all of them) I miss my wife. Too bad. This is it. Tag Man yeah.