|This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Morty's Mind Blowers." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode.|
|Previous: "Tales From the Citadel"||Next: "The ABC's of Beth"|
[Open Int. M.C. Escher's "Relativity"-esque Dimension]
[Rick and Morty are being chased by a goth-looking creature. They are carrying a tortoise that is covered in crystals.]
- Rick: Morty, hurry!
- Goth Creature: Return the Truth Tortoise! [chases after them]
- Rick: Morty, whatever you do, don't drop the Truth Tortoise! Also, really important--whatever you do, don't look into its eyes!
- Morty: I-I did look at it, Rick! I've been looking at it!
- Rick: Now you're gonna know everything, Morty! [the Goth Creature almost catches up after them] Good job! Way to go! You fucked everything up!
- [Morty hears the Truth Tortoise's speech in his head]
- Morty: It's in my head! Oohhhh!!
- [Morty throws the Truth Tortoise down a pink vortex before the Goth Creature could get it back. The dimension starts collapsing from its foundations until--]
[Open Ext. Smith Residence]
[Trans. Int. Living Room. A distressed, baggy-eyed Morty sits down on the couch with Rick.]
- Morty: Oh, geez... I-I can't get that Truth Tortoise out of my head.
- Rick: [sits down] Yeah, I told you not to look into its eyes. Hey, Morty, let's watch some Interdimensional Cable. Remember how we used to do that?
- Morty: Rick, I can't-- I can't go on. I-I can't go on like this with the Truth Tortoise shit in my head. I-I wish you could just--
- Rick: [nonchalantly] Erase the memory from your mind?
- Morty: [suspicious] How did you know I was gonna say that?
- Rick: Come on, Morty, come with me.
[Trans. Int. Rick's Garage. Rick opens the hatch to his secret underground lab with Morty.]
- Rick: After you.
[Trans. Int. Archive Room. Morty and Rick enter a large circular room filled with red, blue and purple vials across the room, with a large chair and a helmet beside it.]
- Morty: What the hell is this?!
- Rick: This, Morty, is my archive of all the experiences you've begged me to remove from from your life, [puts a purple vial in a section] lest you go insane. I call them "Morty's Mind Blowers"! [breaks the fourth wall to the camera] And we'll be doing this instead of Interdimensional Cable.
[END OF COLD OPEN]
[Int. Archive Room. Morty looks at the numerous vials in disbelief with Rick checking in the background.]
- Morty: How long have I been asking you to remove memories?
- Rick: Since the first [burps] time your mind was blown. [picks up a blue vial] Ah, here it is. [burps] Classic. [blows vial. As Morty comes over, Rick puts the helmet on Morty and has him sit down on the chair] There's no dust on it because this isn't the first time we've done this.
- Morty: What?!
- Rick: I call this "Moonspiracy"! Ha-ha-ha-ha-hah! [inserts the blue vial into the helmet, presses a button and zoom into Morty's rolled-up eyes--]
[Trans. Ext. Smith Residence; Night. Morty is looking at the full moon through the telescope. He sees the Apollo 11 lunar module and American flag on the moon's surface.]
- Morty: Huh, wow. That's incredible. [rotates view to the left. A strange figure standing in a mid-stride walking pose gazes at Morty] What the heck?! [the man then smiles sinisterly]
[Trans. Int. Dining Room. Morty explains his story to Beth, Summer and Rick at the table.]
- Beth: Morty, do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?
- Rick: Yeah, pretty crazy story, Morty. [Morty is outraged]
- Morty: Are you serious?! Half the crap we've seen, and you think that sounds crazy?!
- Rick: I've been to 300 versions of Earth's moon, including this one, and I've never seen signs of a "regular dude," as you describe him, hanging out up there.
- Summer: [uncaring] It's probably just a smudge on the lens.
- Morty: Smudge on the lens?! SMUDGE ON THE LENS?!! I know the difference between a man threatening me and a smudge on the goddamn lens, Summer!!
- Beth: Morty, calm down! Are you feeling okay?
- Morty: I'M FINE!! [angrily leaves the table and runs upstairs]
- Beth: So sensitive.
[Open Ext. Harry Herpson High School; Day.]
[Trans. Int. Classroom. Morty is drawing sketches of the moon man's head in a crescent moon shape. Principal Vagina enters the classroom.]
- Principal Vagina: Kids, I'd like to introduce you all to our new guidance counselor, Mr. Lunas. [the moon man enters the classroom. Morty drops his pencil in shock]
- Mr. Lunas: I look forward to helping guide you all towards a brighter future. I believe every student should... [smiles sinisterly] shoot for the moon. [Morty feels tense for a beat]
[Open Ext. Suburbs; Night. Mr. Lunas walks down the street holding the tattered American flag as Morty eavesdrops behind a bush with his phone at the ready.]
- Morty: Got you now, you son of a bitch. [takes pictures as Lunas plants flag on a front lawn]
[Open Ext. Harry Herpson High School; Day.]
[Trans. Principal's Office. Morty slams the pictures on Vagina's desk in front of him.]
- Principal Vagina: What's this?
- Morty: Proof that Mr. Lunas isn't who he says he is!
- Principal Vagina: He's not a guidance counselor?
- Morty: I-I assume he's qualified to be one, who isn't? But he also lives on the moon!
- Principal Vagina: [pause] Okay. Hmm... Is that it? Is he doing anything to hurt anyone?
- Morty: Oh, he's up to something.
- Principal Vagina: I...think I understand. "Up to something," "lives on the moon." Okay, I'll talk to him.
[Trans. Parking Lot. Morty watches through the window as Vagina confronts Lunas at the parking lot. They argue, Vagina punches Lunas in the face and orders him to leave. Lunas gets into his green pickup truck and drives away. Morty runs outside to Vagina]
- Morty: What did he say?
- Principal Vagina: Denied the moon stuff, but that's what pedophiles do. They deny, it's their bread and butter.
- Morty: "Pedophile"?
- Principal Vagina: You don't think so? I thought the moon thing might have been code.
- Morty: No, he's literally from the moon!
- Principal Vagina: Well, you saw react. [points] Moon or not, that dude likes 'em young.
[Open Ext. Suburbs. Morty rides on his bicycle. He then sees police officers investigating the front lawn Mr. Lunas was at previously, and a first response ambulance driving away from the scene.]
[Open Ext. Cemetery. Three Marines stand before an unburied coffin in a funeral as Morty eavesdrops behind a bush.]
- Marine: Gordon Lunas was a good Marine. We don't know what drove him to take his own life, but we want to remember the good things. Like how, from a certain angle, some people would say he looked like a smudge. [Morty gapes in horror]
[Trans. Ext. Smith Residence; Night. Morty runs back home to see the smudge on the telescope's lens through the full moon. He touches the smudge and realizing his mistake.]
- Morty: Oh, my God, what have I done?! What have I done..?!