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This is a transcribed copy for the episode "Unmortricken." Feel free to edit or add to this page as long as the information comes directly from the episode. |
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Transcript[]
Morty; Wow, another adventure where I went up an ass.
Rick: Oh, good, are we having this fight again? L-let me guess, y-you’re gonna leave or, or throw a sulking fit?
Morty: You think you know everything, Rick, but you’re basically just a giant 8-year-old.
Rick: I’m not doing this anymore. Either you’re in or you’re out, Morty. I’m tired of you weaponizing this half-assed threat. You want out, then fucking quit!
Morty: You know what, you’re right. Sorry to be such a high-maintenance Morty. Why don’t I get you a drink?
[Crackling]
[Burps]
Oh, oh, hey, Morty!
Morty: Hey, Rick. You drunk yet?
Rick: You’re my little buddy, [burps] you know that? I-it’s you and me, Morty. Rick and Morty, 100 years. Forever.
Morty: Yeah, pal. Rick and Morty, 100 years. Forever.
Rick: G-g-get off me. W-w-what are you doing? Ahhhh!
[Bell chimes]
Rick: An eye patch? You know how we feel about pirates.
[Grunting]
[Typing]
[Panting]
[Screaming]
Oh, my God! What is happening!
[Screaming]
♪
[Groans]
[Beeps]
[All shouting]
Evil Rick: Do your worst you little bastards! Kill me! Do it! Do it! [Grunts]
♪
[Cheering]
♪
[Breathes deeply]
♪
[Creature growling]
♪
It works! Now we can visit infinite universes!
Hooray!
But doesn’t that mean infinite other families can do the same?
Honey, infinite families don’t invent the world’s first–
[All scream]
[Chuckles] It works! Oh, do you realize how free and empowered I just made us?
[All scream] I did it! Best father ever!
[All gasp]
[Creature roars]
[Snarling]
♪
[Loud thudding]
♪
[Gasping]
♪
[Beeping]
♪
Ah!
[Roars]
♪
[Beeping, whirring]
♪
And how were the horrors of the infinite today, sir?
Evil Morty: Ahh, just another day in paradise.
[Rumbling]
[Snarling]
Evil Morty: Motherfucker!
Rick: Well, not the stealthiest technique, but if this guy doesn’t know I’m hunting him, he’s not worth hunting.
Morty: It’s just good to see you outside the subbasement. Even if you never kill the version of yourself that killed your wife. Giving it your best shot, it looks good on you.
Rick: Thanks, buddy. It means a lot that your bar for mental health has gotten lower than mine.
A good wind stays under the wings, baby!
[Whirring]
Rick Prime: Merging dimensions to consolidate my decoys, huh? Kind of– first-thought, but the– craftsmanship, pretty impressive. For a lesser Rick.
Evil Morty: What the fuck are you doing?
Morty: Oh, shit! Evil Morty! Sho-should I grab the net?!
Rick: Yes! Hang tight, Morty’s getting the net.
Evil Morty: Wait. Is this what I think it is? Of course it is. Everything’s what I think it is. You’re basically fracking the Central Finite Curve to flush out a version of yourself? Shouldn’t you be turning yourself into a pickle?
Rick: What do you care what I do to the Curve? I-I thought your whole gimmick was fucking off. Certainly what made me a fan.
Evil Morty: You’re right, I don’t live here, which is why it’s insane that you’re still bugging me.
The shockwaves have more range than I thought.
Jesus, you heard a compliment? A monkey humping a shotgun has “more range than he thought.” Look at this scan array.
Don’t touch!
Evil Morty: Why would I touch it when I don’t want it improved?
Rick: Improved?
Evil Morty: You’re hitting infinite targets. At least filter for probability stasis.
Rick: I was gonna. Duh.
Morty: [Panting] I can’t find the net! Sh-should we just shoot him?
Rick: You really think a douche that smug doesn’t keep a force field on?
Evil Morty: Yeah, listen to Pop-Pop, Morty.
Rick: Eh. I’d be an idiot if I didn’t check.
Evil Morty: Uh-huh.
Well, I’m not gonna backpedal every time I do it.
You changing something?
Evil Morty: He’s filtering for probability stasis.
Ugh, are you still here? And are you just teeing him up now?
What? See?
[Alarm ringing]
Is that the guy?
Probably.
Morty: You’re acting like this one’s different.
Rick: He is different. But different doesn’t mean him. Could be a trap.
Evil Morty: I’ll explain. He’s worried that it’s actually your target and he’d owe me credit for the kill.
Rick: Are you serious right now? You little narcissist.
Evil Morty: Dude, literal glass house.
Rick: You think you’re better than me?
Evil Morty: Jesus, I hope so!
Rick Prime: [Clears throat] Can I offer my two cents?
No!
Morty, no!
Well, that’s different.
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[Screaming]
Alright! Yes!
Aw, jeez.
Rick: Everybody look at the bright side. Evil Morty got to experience being wrong before he died.
Evil Morty: It’s true, that’s what I get for talking to you instead of killing you.
Morty: What is this place?
Rick: I assume a box to contain Ricks that get too close to the big guy.
Evil Morty: Are you basing that on what you’d do? Since you’re all the same.
Rick: I’m basing it on the ensemble of thematic Ricks huddled opposite your POV.
[Whistles] Fresh meat.
Pick a lane, buddy.
Yeah, you can’t do the “Fresh Meat” line while cowering in shadow.
You get here same way we did? Hunting Rick Prime?
How did you arrive with two Mortys?
Attachment is death, bro. That’s what I’ve learned chasing this guy.
Rick: Instead of Ricksplaining how we all ended up in a Roach Motel, let’s pool some data. Who got here first?
Me. I knocked off three clones for this door prize.
Oh, wow, three.
He killed my wife!
All: We know.
[Groans] You son of a bitch! You killed my wife!
[Bullet ricocheting]
Is it just this? Is this the torture?
[Whirring]
Rick Prime: Looks like there’s enough of you to start the next ride! That or just one really heavy Rick. This whole thing is automated, which I do point out specifically to enhance the humiliation. Here we go!
[All scream]
Rick Prime: If you’re seeing this, you’re me, except, you know, less. But you acted like you were better, so I killed your beloved Diane. Partly to devastate you, mostly so I only have to record one message. Some of you may have noticed that it’s not just your Diane that’s gone. She’s also been erased from every universe across infinity. And you might be wondering why.
Evil Morty: I’d rather hear how.
Rick Prime: Diane was wiped from all existence by The Weapon Too Cool for a Name.
Rick: The Omega Device.
Rick Prime: Known to inferiors as The Omega Device.
Rick: I heard the name from an inferior.
Rick Prime: And it’s my weapon. But it’s your fault I had to use it on her. So if you want to see the Rick that ruined your life, look around. There’s so many of you. But that’s why I want to make a deal. One of you is going to get your Diane back.
Rick: He’s lying. He’s lying!
Rick Prime: All you have to do is be the last Rick left.
[Countdown chiming]
[Screams]
Rick: Got that out of your system? He can’t bring her back!
Ah!
[Groans]
[Grunting]
Wait, wait, wait! I’m a nice Rick.
[Grunting]
Evil Morty: Eh. Pass.
Morty: You’re such a dick! We could’ve worked together!
Actually, I’m nice enough to not lie about this. I was definitely gonna kill you guys. Ah!
[Chiming]
Oh, hey, guys.
I’m clear, Rick! Take the shot!
Rick: I thought you wanted to “work together.”
Morty: Just until you could kill him!
Evil Morty: And they call me Evil Morty.
Rick: The easiest way out of any box is to be the least shaped like a box. We both hate Rick Prime more than each other anyway.
Evil Morty: Where’d you get that?
Rick: He’s the worst Rick.
Evil Morty: Big deal. The worst turd is a pizza.
[Grunting]
Whoa! Tough customer.
How is the worst turd a-a pizza?
Ah!
Oh, shit!
Rick: Seems like he doesn’t play well with others. We all cool just killing this guy?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
[Grunting]
Rick Prime: Great job, final Rick! Or if you were just one fat Rick, impressive cardio! And now the big reveal. Do you get Diane back? Not in any real sense, because when I build a weapon, it works. It’s called being talented. But I do have a Diane that promises to be with you until death. But I’d get to the death part fast. You don’t want to be in here when this place resets.
Diane: Rick?
Rick: Hey, Diane.
Diane: You sucked at eating pussy!
Rick: Clearly just said to be hurtful, but I also won’t deny it. I was young.
[Screams]
God, I miss that face.
Ah!
Rick, you never told me he killed your wife across infinity.
Yeah, now I want to meet this guy, too.
I don’t want to talk about this.
Diane: I always thought your dick smelled weird!
Rick: Or that.
[Screams]
Diane: [Stuttering] Come on b-baby, g-give my g-ghost a k-kiss. Mwah.
You taking her to go? Whoa! Looks like we survived the box.
You should count chickens professionally, Morty.
I didn’t trigger that!
Alright, let’s bail before this oven self-cleans.
[Whirring]
What do you think? Subether barrier blocking the portal fluid?
Can’t be that. Mine would get through it.
Here, gimme that.
Don’t freak out. I’m gonna tweak this.
Carry the two, hold the three…
You need some kind of vector.
I was getting there.
[Gasps] The goo! The goo from the trap!
[Whirring]
Come on, go, go, go!
[Grunts]
Whoa, jeez! That was insane! I-I can’t believe you were excited for that!
Rick: I’m excited for this. Clearly no one’s escaped that place before.
Evil Morty: Really learned your lesson about chasing this guy.
Rick: Hey, man, you can leave now.
Evil Morty: That’s true, I can.
Rick: The weapon, Morty. He knows a thing that wipes someone out across all dimensions could wipe him out across all dimensions. Holy shit.
So that’s the guy?
You’re exhausting.
Rick: Can’t help it, I’m a rascal. Morty, you can’t come! Evil Morty, stay out of my way! Gonna kill my nemesis! Rick out!
Evil Morty: He’s a weird guy.
Morty: So Rick’s right? You’re afraid of the weapon?
Evil Morty: What happens if Rick actually kills this guy? You ever think about that? Maybe he’ll kill himself next.
Morty: You’re an asshole.
Evil Morty: Well, yeah. I’m not “Good” Morty. Come or don’t. I don’t care.
Morty: Oh. Shit.
Evil Morty: Got to be honest, I totally thought you were coming.
Morty: No, no, I- I was. I-I took a heroic step toward the portal, but then it closed.
Evil Morty: Yeah, yeah, come on.
Pri-i-i-i-i-i-me! Aw, man.
A.I.: What’s up?
Rick: He built it again.
Pretty impressive.
Rick: Well, yeah, he’s me with free time. Alright, I don’t see a place to park. Catch your breath and then keep that heat off my back.
Car: If you die, I’m taking your stuff.
Rick: Ugh, gross.
Alright, cool, let’s do it.
God dammit!
Evil Morty: What? No one can do undercuts but you?
Rick: You brought Morty?
Evil Morty: I’m not worried about him. I’m evil!
Um, R-R-Rick? I-Is this…?
You guys don’t do anything small, huh? I’m surprised he hasn’t–
Rick Prime: Alright, here we go!
There it is.
Yep.
Rick Prime: Wow, the Wife Guy! Dead Wife Rick! I’ll tell you, this guy does not know when to quit.
Rick: I’m gonna fucking kill you.
Rick Prime: You brought two Mortys with you? What? They’re your cheering section?
Evil Morty: We brought ourselves, asshole.
Rick Prime: Honestly, Wife Guy, I do miss when it was just us. The only two Ricks who actually invented portal travel. Anyone else teed up to arrive later? Like your car?
A.I.: I can see why you hate him.
Rick Prime: And she sounds like our wife! Like in a fucked-up robot way but that’s definitely her voice. You sentimental little fella. Right, good instincts. I would’ve tried that, too. I upgraded this thing, by the way. The new version can fire more than once. So now I can erase your whole family, one-by-one, until you finally learn your lesson. Which you won’t, so then I’ll kill you, too.
[Rumbling]
Rick Prime: I’ll do that the old-fashioned way. Okay, family killin’ time! Let’s start small. Still family though.
Slow Mobius: Where am I? Two Ricks? Where’s my wife? I was just with my wife!
Rick: Uncle Slo!
Morty: What the– Uncle Slo? Slo Mobius?
Rick Prime: Yeah, this one hurts me, too.
[Screams]
Rick: [Slow motion] No-o-o-o-o-o!
[Screams]
Morty: Kind of the worst possible time to use his powers. Just made the death happen slower.
Rick: I’ll kill you!
[Grunting]
[Grunting]
[Grunting]
[Grunts]
[Grunts]
Ah!
[Groans]
[Whirring]
[Whirring]
[Grunts]
[Grunting]
[Grunting]
[Revving]
Aaah!
Rick Prime: So, uh, original grandson. This is super weird. Obviously we’re, uh, both trying to kill each other.
Evil Morty: Aw, jeez. Nice to meet you, I guess.
Rick Prime: So, do we– should I just get this over with or…? [Groans] Cool grandson.
[Groans]
Evil Morty: Shitty grandpa.
Morty: [Groans] Why am I wearing an eye patch? And wait. Did we– did we switch shirts?
Evil Morty: Yeah. Thanks for the assist.
Morty: Rick, we– we did it. Evil Morty got him! Rick? Rick!
Evil Morty: [Groans] Alright, you two punks stay here.
Rick Prime: [Groans] Okay, I think I’m getting the pic– Ow! Frying my backups, smart. So you’re like an evil Morty. A clever one. Ow! Alright, never been a sidekick guy, but I’m starting to see the value. You want a job? We could be like Batman and Robin.
Evil Morty: Eh, I don’t need a Robin.
[Crackling]
Rick Prime: Okay, seriously, what is this? What, are you gonna “aw-jeez” me to death? Oh, you don’t want those schematics, buddy. Those are for grown-ups.
Evil Morty: Uh-huh.
Rick Prime: Oh, isn’t this great? Okay, alright. I get it.
Rick: [Groans, coughs] Oh. What? Oh, shit.
Evil Morty: Mm-hmm. Knock yourself out.
Rick Prime: Listen, Rick to Rick, he’s got the weapon plans. Buddy, nip this in the bud. He’s 14. What’s gonna happen the next time he gets mad at grandpa?
Rick Prime: [Laughs] Let’s do this then. You’re welcome, by the way. I made you. I showed you infinity.
[Grunts]
Rick Prime: And what did you do with it? Hang out with my grandson, raise echoes of my daughter?
[Grunting]
Rick Prime: [Laughs] What’s your life without me?
Rick: Let’s find out.
Rick Prime: [Grunting, coughing] Admit it. You would’ve been me.
Ah!
Rick Prime: I just walked into your garage before you walked into mine! But eventually you did! You lived in my house!
[Grunting]
[Laughing]
[Grunts]
What– what are you doing?
[Beeping]
[Whirring]
Pretty cool visual. You’re missing it.
We don’t have to talk. This didn’t make us friends. There’s our guy.
Morty: Rick! Is it over? Is– is he…?
Evil Morty: Not exactly an “alive” amount of blood. How’s it feel? Better? No? Exactly the same? Yeah, it always does. Hope you’re happy with your choice.
Rick: Fuck off.
Evil Morty: I’m gonna. Just don’t force me to improve on the design. I can end the Rick experiment any time I want.
Morty: Why threaten? Why not just do it?
Evil Morty: Because using a weapon like this doesn’t get you left alone, Morty. Think I want a bunch of vengeful Summers coming after me? You are a little different though, Rick. Maybe I can use that someday. Seriously though. Fuck you. Don’t come after me. It won’t go well.
Morty: Are– are you okay?
Rick: Yeah.
Morty: Phew, man, when those drones uncloaked back there, I was like, “Oh, shit, this is– We’re fucked, we’re toast!
♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪
♪ There’s still fountains down there ♪
♪ Look on down from the bridge ♪
♪ It’s still raining ♪
♪ Up here ♪
♪ Everybody seems so far away from me ♪
♪ Everybody just wants to be free ♪
♪ Look away from the sky ♪
♪ It’s no different ♪
♪ When you’re leaving home ♪
♪ I can’t be the same thing to you now ♪
♪ I’m just gone ♪
♪ Just gone ♪
Slow Mobius's daughter: Mama, who’s that man in our picture?
Slow Mobius's wife: Oh, honey, that’s… that’s… That’s your father. You– you don’t remember your father?
Slow Mobius's daughter: Oh. Yeah.
♪
[Inaudible dialogue]
♪